Three passionate, dynamic voices pioneering pathways forward for
SEL implementation in education!
Meeting Papa Smurf! A Lesson in Seeing
Leigh Alley for xSELeratED
In September of 2016, I found myself in Detroit with a group of colleagues, presenting at a conference. By day, we worked and learned. By night, we searched for the quintessentially “Detroit” experience. We found that (or I did) on our last evening in the city, in the form of what was, for me, the most unforgettable encounter with a man who called himself Papa Smurf. No, he wasn’t dressed in a costume, wearing blue body paint, or trying to imitate one of the cartoon characters of my childhood. He wasn’t playing up some kind of absurdity or novelty act for attention. Papa Smurf was just a man, and right away he seemed like a supremely kind one, with a weathered face, and a deeply lived-in expression. One that invited me to lean in.
That night on the street, an unhoused Papa Smurf handed me a couple of plastic necklaces with visible cigarette burns. They were quirky, and instantly, they were treasures. He had hoped for a couple of dollars in return when he pressed them into my hand. I didn’t have cash on me and said so. He said that was no problem. That they suited me. And they did suit a girl who grew up in the shiny-and-neon 1980s. Something about the necklaces seemed to carry his essence with them. I liked them, and I liked him. Immediately.
To my colleagues, the necklaces looked like pieces of discarded trash. I was ashamed that they turned their noses up, uninterested in both the necklaces and the conversation Papa Smurf so clearly wanted to engage in, but I stopped to talk with him, and they were forced to stop with me, to their agitation. Some (most?) might say it was silly (or worse) to engage with a stranger on a dark street in an unfamiliar city. I’m sure those people are wise. But for inexplicable reasons, I could feel the universe working in the way the universe feels like it does. By winks and nudges. Willing to reveal more of itself to me, more of humanity to me, and more of myself to me, if I would let it.
Papa Smurf, he was proud to tell me, was something of a celebrity. He had been onstage with huge acts at Saint Andrew’s Hall. He had been in a Sports Illustrated article. He had been in a commercial. The list went on. He didn’t tell me that because he needed approval or wanted validation. It was clear he wasn’t looking to impress anyone. He just wanted connection—a fleeting-but-real moment of knowing and being known.
When I accepted the necklaces and engaged with him, something unexpected happened. He looked at me, his eyes a little worn but soft, and simply said, “I see you.” Such a strange thing to say to a stranger––an intimate thing, somewhat of a familiar thing. And somehow, to a girl who grew up in poverty on a remote island in Maine who from a small place had made for herself a big life, and was out in the wide world in a place she had never explored, it seemed so appropriate. For me it felt like a fated encounter. A recognition on the level of the soul. It seemed to me that Papa Smurf wanted us to be more for that brief moment than just passing strangers in the street. Because even in a brief encounter, we could be more. We could be authentically connected for those few minutes. That feeling was both a revelation and a gift.
The Lesson: Making People Feel Seen
Papa Smurf was offering a moment of connection. His handmade necklaces, burned and imperfect, weren’t mere objects—they were tokens of recognition. Shared moments. He didn’t care that I didn’t have two bucks.
That interaction stuck with me. In our fast-paced, judgmental world, how often do we take the time to really see the people around us? To acknowledge them, even for a brief moment, as beings deserving of attention and respect simply for their being? Most of us move through our days, distracted by our smartphones or our to-do lists, barely noticing the people who cross our paths. But what if we stopped to truly engage with them? What if we stopped to see them, just like Papa Smurf saw me?
Here are some thoughts on how to make others feel seen in a way that honors their humanity:
Look Beyond the Surface
When we encounter someone who seems unusual, different, or out of place, it's easy to make assumptions based on their appearance or behavior. But like Papa Smurf and me, everyone has a deeper story that isn’t immediately visible. The next time we encounter someone we might otherwise dismiss, we can take a second to wonder about the depth of their story. We can try to see them for who they truly are, not just for what they appear to be.
Slow Down and Be Present
It’s easy to brush past people—whether it's someone in need, a stranger on the street, or even a colleague at work. But the simple act of slowing down and being present can change the dynamic of a conversation or an interaction. Papa Smurf and I shared a moment of attention that changed me forever. In our fast-paced world, we often don’t realize how much we miss by rushing. We can be more deliberate, slow down, make eye contact, and genuinely listen to those around us.
Practice Active Listening
Listening is one of the most powerful ways to make someone feel seen. It's not just about hearing their words; it's about engaging with them, reflecting on what they’re saying, and responding thoughtfully. When I spoke with Papa Smurf, I took the time to listen to him—not just about the trinkets he made, but about his life in Detroit. He took the time to listen to me, too, and to tell me that he saw. We all want that. Especially when it feels like the world with its shortening attention span is ignoring us. We can take the time to listen deeply, honing that skill with every conversation. By listening, we begin to see.
Give Without Expectation
Papa Smurf might have hoped for a little money when he offered the necklaces to me, but it didn’t bother him when he realized he’d get nothing in return. It seemed enough to share a piece of himself. A piece that mapped onto me. Sometimes, the smallest gestures can have the greatest impact, especially when there’s no agenda attached to them. Whether it’s a compliment, a small act of kindness, or just offering our time, giving with an open heart can be transformational for the giver and the receiver both.
Challenge Your Prejudices
It’s easy to judge others based on appearances, accents, quirks, or lifestyles. To my colleagues, Papa Smurf didn’t seem worthy of notice, and they missed out on a vibrant, earnest conversation with someone who was part of the absolute fabric of his city. The next time we find ourselves forming an opinion about someone based on how they look or act, we should challenge ourselves to suspend that judgment and not let appearances blind us to what there is to truly see.
Final Thoughts: The Power of Being Seen
My encounter with Papa Smurf was a powerful reminder that we all long to be known. In a society too quick to judge and overlook, we all want to be recognized—remarkable simply for being ourselves. Little moments of connection can impact us for a lifetime. My conversation with Papa Smurf was illustrative of that quiet desire we all have: the desire to be seen, to be acknowledged, to know that, in this vast, busy world, we matter. As this platform reminds, we are worthy.
Was it a coincidence that, going away with a full heart, I spent the rest of that night on Woodward Avenue and that my maiden name is Woodward? I’d like to think not. I remember it as one of those universe-winks that shows us that even when we find ourselves a world away from what we have known, a part of us is home.
Oreos and Empathy
Krista Leh for xSELeratED
In February 2020, a dear friend and I had just sat in a subway in New York City on our way to see a Broadway show. I glanced up at the row of seats across from us and noticed that a man sat alone in the middle of the seats. He was hunched over, and I saw that his right hand was casually making its way toward the dirt-trodden floor of the subway. He reached for a broken piece of Oreo cookie, remnants of a nearly empty carton tossed on the floor by a former passenger. He slowly brought the cookie piece up and inserted it into his mouth with his head still down. Then reached back down for another broken portion.
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​I noticed more passengers got on, and no one sat beside the man. Instead, they preferred to huddle closer to each other, remaining separated from him. My friend and I continued our conversation, but I couldn't stop the thoughts running through my brain. "He must be so hungry!" "I hate being hungry!" "How can I help?" "What can I do?" "Do I have cash for food?" "Do I have random snacks in my bag right now?"
As our stop approached, I searched my bag and found two protein bars. As the subway slowed to a stop, I held them out to the man and said, "Sir, I have these two protein bars. Would you like them?"
He looked at me and replied, "Yes, thank you."
Once we stepped off the subway at our stop, my friend looked at me and said, "I knew you weren't going to get off without doing something. I saw him, too. I felt for him. But I didn't feel compelled to act the way you did."
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Dr. Emiliana Simon-Thomas's research on Empathy describes the type of Empathy I felt as affective empathy, which motivated me to take compassionate action, while my friend experienced cognitive empathy.
When realizing how complex the concept of empathy is and how it can be presented differently as we experience it, it might seem daunting to discuss with students. However, educators can facilitate dialogue on empathy by asking questions that help students explore their feelings, thoughts, and potential actions in situations where empathy might be needed. Consider sharing this story with your students and asking them to discuss some of these questions:
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What emotions do you think the man in the story might have been experiencing? Why?
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Have you ever witnessed a situation that made you feel compassion or concern for someone else? How did you feel?
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What is the difference between feeling someone else's feelings and understanding what they are going through?
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How do you think the other passengers on the subway might have felt about the man? Why might they have acted as they did?
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What do you think motivated the writer to act in this situation?
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How is affective empathy (feeling someone’s emotions) different from cognitive empathy (understanding someone’s emotions)?
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Have you ever experienced a situation where you wanted to help but didn’t know how to act? What held you back?
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What actions could someone take to show empathy in a similar situation?
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What small ways can you practice empathy in your daily life, at school, or in your community?
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How do you think the man might have felt when he received the protein bars? How might small acts of kindness impact someone?
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What might be some challenges to showing empathy in public or unfamiliar settings? How can we overcome them?
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How can we become more aware of the needs of others around us, even when we are busy or distracted?
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How would this story change if told from the man's perspective on the subway?
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Why do you think some people might feel empathy but not act on it? Is one type of empathy more valuable than the other?
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How can understanding the difference between affective and cognitive empathy help us build better relationships?
These questions help students connect personally to the concept of empathy, understand its complexity, and consider how they can translate empathy into action in their own lives.
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In addition, check out this Demonstrating Compassion resource to further the conversation with students on this valuable skill!
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Celebrating Life’s Beautiful Journey with Gratitude
Heather Lageman for xSELeratED
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This time of year is one of my favorites - counting blessings, coming together with loved ones, baking cookies, laughing and crying at old memories and making new ones, and welcoming in the New Year. It is the perfect opportunity to give the gift of gratitude and connection. Creating gratitude gift boxes is one of my favorite activities to do throughout the year because it is so personal, heart-felt, and meaningful. There is so much power and beauty in words - they can help build us up, lift our spirits, make us feel seen and valued.
In the fast pace and busyness of the world and our lives, we don't always take the time to tell each other how we feel about one another. Every year I rekindle my resolve to live my core value of gratitude, and these boxes have become a tradition at all kinds of gatherings and celebrations. Using words to convey gratitude is one of the greatest gifts we give to others, and it brings joy to both the giver and receiver. Having a treasure box to pick up when I need comfort or a boost has made all the difference in the ups and downs of life. It makes the journey all the more beautiful to know I am on it with amazing people who are a source of light and love … and they see the same in me.
Here are the steps to create gratitude gift boxes:
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Buy small foldable cardboard gift boxes (5x5x2) and an assortment of colorful markers.
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Assemble the boxes and place a small treat in each box - a sweet treat, quote, ornament - something personal and memorable.
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Write each person’s first name on the top of the box.
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Place them on a table and play some festive music!
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Invite each person to walk around with a colorful marker in hand and stop at each of the gift boxes.
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Reflect on each person's name and write a positive word or a phrase that comes to mind when you think of that person, a memory, an expression of gratitude, and/or words of encouragement.
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Invite everyone to return to their seats and read their gift. Let them know there is a special treat inside the box for later.
During the holiday season and throughout the year, may we all create the space and grace to connect with those we treasure and share the positive energy and collective brilliance that comes from deep connection and love. One of the greatest presents we can give is our presence - taking the time to tell people how much they mean to us by our words and actions. It is a gift that keeps giving throughout the year - the power of possibility thrives when everyone feels valued and heard, and knows that they matter. Here’s to another year of celebrating life’s beautiful journey!
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More Joy!
Continue to celebrate the spirit of season with these additional resources to share gratitude. Let us know if you try any of these, or share one of your own with all Worthy Educator members!
Gratitude Ping Pong
All you need is a ping pong (or even a bouncy ball) to play gratitude ping pong. It’s fun and energizing - throw/bounce it and each time you catch it, you share something that you are grateful for. Try to get a rhythm going, and share as many unique things each of you are thankful for as possible. Here’s a quick video of the amazing Sara Corckran and Erin Baldecchi modeling the activity for teams too!
Gratitude Letter
The beauty of gratitude is that it benefits both you and the person you are grateful for. We can choose to be the light of positivity that people need right now, and it starts in our own lives. Reach out on a daily basis by sending a gratitude – use e-cards, texts, quotes, or actual greeting cards/letters – to tell those who have a positive impact in your lives how much they matter to you. It will fill your heart as well as theirs.
Joy Drop
Happy YOUniversity has a Joy Drop activity that is memorable and powerful. It is about inspiring kindness in your community and how JOY begins with you. Start by spreading a drop of JOY to an unsuspecting person and inspire them to pass it on by leaving a “Joy Drop card”. Here’s a sample so you can print some or get creative and make your own - personalizing with your unique message. Then watch how a single act of kindness can turn into a waterfall of kindness and connection in your community.
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Finding Joy and Fostering Connection During Hard Holidays
Leigh Alley EdD for xSELeratED
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Maybe it’s because my parents, as well as my husband’s parents, are divorced. Maybe it’s because we’re old enough now that we’ve grieved the passing of nearly all of our grandparents and a good number of dear, old friends besides. Maybe it’s because we have children who are nearly “grown and flown.” Maybe it’s seasonal affective disorder (we do live in the Northeast, after all). Maybe it’s some combination of all of these things and still more . . . but the winter holidays can be really bittersweet for me. I used to be ashamed to admit that, but that shame doesn’t serve anyone. Shame keeps us disconnected.
I know from conversations with friends and colleagues that I’m not alone in this experience––that many of them also struggle during a season that is touted as the hap-happiest time of the year. Distance from loved ones (whether geographical or emotional), personal and financial struggles and strain, the strife in the world, and even the sheer pressure of seasonal expectations can leave us aching at a time known for its warmth and togetherness.
When we’re feeling the holiday blues most keenly, it can be tempting to draw back into ourselves, particularly if we’re the kind of people who find some measure of comfort in solitude (and I want to be clear that self-care and intentional solitude both can be supremely important). But what solitude can’t offer is community and collective memory-making. The kind that can help to restore some of the cheer that sadness and stress sap from the season. The kind that can help to remind us all not to miss connecting meaningfully with the people who matter to us most . . . not to let the here-and-now moments pass us by.
With all of this in mind, here are just a few memory-making ideas for fostering connection and finding joy as we face the upcoming, sometimes-hard winter holidays together.
Get (pot)Lucky
Gathering everyone together for a holiday potluck can be a warm and welcoming way to build community, especially when we approach it with sensitivity and curiosity. Encourage attendees to bring dishes that reflect their personal traditions, inviting storytelling and shared experiences. Learning the stories behind the recipes others hold dear is a way to keep our cherished cultures and our loved ones at the centerpiece of our festivities.
Cozy Up
Setting up a cozy corner filled with simple pleasures in our staff room or classroom, stocked with small snacks, mixes for warm drinks, and cozy blankets can be a real comfort. Consider adding soft music and a little area for piecing together puzzles. That way, people who would like to can interact together without disturbing the peacefulness of the space.
Make Kindness Count
Promoting a kindness challenge throughout the holiday season and encouraging everyone in your group to participate can pay forward long after the winter holidays have come and gone. While these kinds of challenges could include organized events such as drives for nonperishables, toys, or warm clothing, it’s important to recognize the lasting impact of small acts. Lending someone a helping hand or leaving someone an encouraging note can make a world of difference.
Circle ‘Round
Acknowledging that some may find the season a difficult one can foster understanding and empathy. Consider hosting a discussion circle where colleagues can share their feelings and experiences without judgment. Remember that a simple one-to-one check-in can also go a long way, and reach out to colleagues or students who may seem withdrawn or in need of support. A short, caring message is sometimes all it takes to remind others that they are not alone.
During the holiday season, we can find ourselves caught in a swirl of mixed and conflicting emotions, but with ideas like those mentioned and so many others, we can foreground the more positive ones. Cultivating an atmosphere of kindness and connection during the holiday season can be as simple as reminding everyone that they are remembered, valued, and appreciated. Supportive connections are a gift. One that we can offer each other at the holidays and all the year through.
The holidays can intensify feelings of loneliness and despair. If you or someone you know is struggling, there are resources that can help. The NAMI HelpLine is staffed 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Call 1-800-950-6264, text “helpline” to 62640, or chat online.
