The Identity Lag That Happens During Career Transitions

4 days ago
3 min read

Dear High Achiever,

A client said something to me recently that stayed with me:

“I don’t think I’m confused. I think I’ve just outgrown something I worked very hard to build.”

That distinction matters. Because many high-achieving professionals are not struggling because they lack capability or ambition. They’re struggling because their internal identity has not fully caught up to who they have already become. And during major transitions, that gap becomes very visible.

I see this often after:

burnout

restructures

redundancy

leadership changes

industry pivots

or long periods inside environments where someone became known more for reliability than strategic leadership

Externally, the person may already know something needs to change.

But internally, they are often still relating to themselves through an older version of who they had to be in order to succeed before.

The dependable one.

The fixer.

The high performer.

The person who absorbs pressure quietly.

The person who earns value through over-functioning.

And that identity can become surprisingly difficult to release — even when it no longer fits the next chapter someone wants to build.

This is one reason transitions can feel so emotionally and mentally disorienting.

Not because someone lacks options.

But because growth often requires more than a new role.

It requires a new relationship with yourself.

Many senior leaders underestimate how much identity influences:

decision-making

confidence

visibility

negotiation

boundaries

and even the kinds of opportunities they believe they are qualified to pursue

Over time, people start normalizing levels of responsibility, complexity, and leadership that are actually quite exceptional.

What once felt difficult becomes “just my job.”

And that creates another challenge:

Highly capable people often stop recognizing the scale at which they are already operating.

That affects articulation.

Positioning.

And self-trust.

I often tell clients:

Clarity is not just about deciding what to do next. It’s about recognizing who you are now — separate from the environment that shaped you before.

Because many people unknowingly keep trying to return to older versions of themselves long after they have already outgrown them.

Sometimes the next chapter begins when someone finally allows themselves to acknowledge:

what no longer fits

what they actually want

and the level they have already been operating at all along

Not every transition requires a dramatic leap.

But most meaningful transitions do require honesty. Especially with yourself.

A few reflection questions for this week:

Where might you still be defining yourself through an outdated version of your value?

What strengths or capabilities have become so normal to you that you no longer recognize their significance?

What would change if you fully acknowledged the level you are already operating at?

What are you still carrying from a previous chapter that no longer belongs in the next one?

Sometimes growth is not about becoming someone completely different.

Sometimes it’s about finally seeing yourself clearly.

If this resonates, I explore this more deeply in this week’s edition of The Reframe.

—Melissa

Melissa Schmidiger is CEO of Bravo Darlings, working privately with Directors, VPs, and senior leaders at inflection points, and with organizations navigating leader transitions. Coming from a family of educators, she leads by example demonstrating her values of authenticity, empowerment and transformation. This piece was originally published May 29, 2026and is shared here with her permission. You can reach out to Melissa via email here.