xSELeratED: Presence as a Light through the Darker Months
This piece is from the xSELeratED SEL initiative on The Worthy Educator, led by Leigh Reagan Alley, Heather Lageman and Walter McKenzie.
View the fully formatted version here.
Walter McKenzie for xSELeratED
School classrooms shift in November from initial getting-to-know-you energy into a deeper phase of routines, transitions, and adjustments to a new season. The end of daylight savings time brings darker wake ups, sleepier mornings, and faster fatigue as our bodies adjust from the warmer, sunnier queues of summer.
The Shift in the Seasons of Life
As early-autumn excitement settles into the hum-drum of established everyday classroom life, November can be a test of classroom management, prompting educators to refresh transition games and incentive tools, Some of us take time to rearrange desks and create alternative seating areas to improve focus, traffic flow, and group work as chillier weather keeps everyone indoors. The weight of the school year feels heavy on our shoulders.
Grief in November hits through the anniversaries of past losses, an early wave of holiday dread, and natural reminders of death in the environment. Early holiday music, decorations, and questions like "What are you doing for the holidays?" can overwhelm us when we are not mentally prepared with coping strategies. It forces the painful realization that we must face an empty seat or a missing voice in our lives. In the same way, rapidly shortening days and darker evenings leave more quiet, isolated hours to sit with sadness and exhaustion.
The decrease in sunlight can trigger or worsen low energy, poor sleep, and seasonal mood changes that can compound emotional pain. Falling leaves, bare trees, and colder weather mirror themes of endings and letting go. It’s not coincidental that days dedicated to honoring the passing of life, such as Halloween, All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day, bring past and present losses to the forefront of our minds.
In the November chapter of School Seasons xSELeratED, Dr. Leigh Reagan Alley notes, “Educators are not immune to the complex inner weather of November. When we normalize emotional complexity: grief beside gratitude, joy tangled with fatigue, we free ourselves and our communities from perfectionism. We invite vulnerability, which is a nexus of real connection. We become more trustworthy leaders, more present colleagues, and more compassionate people.
Grief doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it’s a soft ache, a silent longing. This chapter helps us name those quiet truths and root our gratitude more deeply in lived, honest experience. Because when we model tenderness, and invite others into a tender community, we give others and ourselves permission to feel.
This is not about fixing emotion or escaping discomfort. It’s about honoring emotional honesty as a leadership strength, not a liability. It is about recognizing that our emotional landscape—raw, real, radiant—matters. We lead best when we are present with ourselves. And presence, especially in the darker months, asks us to tell the truth gently. To hold space—for others and for ourselves—with tenderness.”
Emotional honesty does not have to live only in private. When it is honored in shared spaces—even quietly—it changes what becomes possible among students. Community care does not require students to reveal their deepest pain. It begins with noticing. Appreciating. Listening. Making room for the truth that everyone carries both visible and invisible stories everywhere they go. Even to school.
What It Looks Like for Teachers
Modeling calm transparency: Instead of hiding behind a robotic "I'm fine" when stressed, a teacher says, "I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the noise right now, so let's take a quiet pause to reset," rather than snapping at the class.
Admitting mistakes openly: When a teacher makes an error on a math problem or loses their patience, they apologize directly and without excuses: "I got frustrated earlier, and I'm sorry for raising my voice. That wasn't fair to you".
Saying "I don't know": Admitting gaps in knowledge: "I'm not sure about the answer to that historical event, let me look it up and get back to you tomorrow", builds genuine trust.
Holding space without rushing to fix: Listening to a student express sadness or anxiety without immediately saying "at least..." or trying to force a smile.
What It Looks Like for Students
Naming real emotions safely: A student feels comfortable saying, "I'm really anxious about this test," or "I'm mad right now," instead of acting out or masking the feeling through withdrawal or disruption.
Owning actions and mistakes: Admitting an accident or poor choice—such as breaking a supply or struggling with an assignment—knowing the response will be a problem-solving conversation rather than harsh humiliation.
Expressing hurt without personal attacks: Using "I" statements or sharing frustration directly (e.g., "I felt left out when my group didn't let me pick a role") rather than starting rumors or bullying.
Allowing messy feelings: Understanding that it is normal to feel sad, jealous, or tired, and that emotions are temporary states to be managed rather than flaws to be hidden.
Keys to Being Present
This isn’t accomplished through a rote set of strategies. It begins with our own self-care. Being present in the moment breaks cycles of negative thinking, reduces stress and fatigue, and grounds us against the physical and emotional weight of the darker months that can lead to burnout.
Winter often leads to repetitive, negative thought loops about how cold, dark, or long the season feels. Mindfulness teaches you to notice these thoughts as they arise without letting them consume you. Focusing strictly on the immediate "now" lessens that looming dread. Simple, tactile experiences like savoring a hot drink, feeling a warm blanket, or noticing the quiet stillness of a winter landscape, shifts our perspective toward small, tangible comforts we experience immediately. Also, deep-breathing exercises and mindful presence calm the nervous system, lowering stress hormones that can make symptoms of depression feel more severe. When it is helpful, seeking professional support for centering ourselves is also a good idea.
In the same way, we can help students focus on being in the moment by being attentive to their verbal and nonverbal queues, and the ways they express themselves situationally throughout the school day. Consider using these mindful practices to support students in recognizing their emotional needs:
Daily Check-Ins
Start class using tools like color-coded stoplights (green, yellow, red), emoji charts, and quick one-word shares so students can signal their thoughts and feelings.
Emotional Vocabulary
Use feeling charts, books, and guided discussions to help students safely identify specific emotions instead of acting out.
Safe Spaces
Create dedicated spaces with sensory items like stress balls and textured objects, journaling pads, and listening centers where students can de-escalate from stress.
Active Listening
Listen closely to what students say and show, without judging or rushing to fix problems, so students get in touch with what they are feeling and feel validated.
Modeling
Share openly about your own stress management and the ways you calm-down and take care of yourself, showing students how to handle healthily respond to tension.
Proactive Coping
Integrate physical movement (stretching, walking, dancing) and creative outlets (art, music, role playing) to help students process their energy and emotions.
More Supports and Strategies
In School Seasons xSELeratED, (The Worthy Educator Press, October 2025), Leigh Alley addresses this significant shift in the academic year, with insights and strategies that support us in our own self-care and in meeting the needs of children in our charge, all part of the broader xSELeratED series.
In this newest addition to the now three-part series, Students xSELeratED (The Worthy Educator Press, August 2026), Leigh states, “These are not performance tasks. They are invitations into reflection. Let this month be a time for students to name what can be named, to honor what may remain private, and to discover that classroom community can hold both gratitude and grief with tenderness.” Indeed, may we all be well-equipped for this worthy aspiration, and live and model these lifelong practices for everyone who knows us.
This month is not about fixing what’s fragile or polishing what’s imperfect. It is about being present with what is: grief and gratitude, hope and heaviness, beauty and brokenness. It’s about making room for emotional honesty in a world, and in a system that too often demands performance over presence.
In a profession built on giving, November offers something sacred: the chance to receive— your own truth, your own tenderness, your own stillness. It invites you to unclench your jaw, soften your grip, and look honestly at all that you’ve been carrying—without judgment, without urgency, without apology.
As educators, we are conditioned to press on, to power through, to set our feelings aside in the name of service. But service without self-understanding becomes unsustainable. Emotional honesty is not a weakness—it is the quiet architecture of resilience. It is the root system beneath healthy teams, caring classrooms, and compassionate leadership. When we give ourselves permission to name what aches, we also make room for what heals.
Mindfully making space for grief and gratitude is especially important
during months filled with holidays, endings, and transition. The goal is
not to resolve every feeling but to give students language, support, and room to hold more than one truth at a time. Gratitude does not erase grief,
and grief does not cancel gratitude. Learning to hold both allows students to meet themselves and one another with greater tenderness. Thank you, Leigh! As we approach the winter months, may we all shine with the resilience of honoring both our grief and our gratitude from being in the moment each and every moment, and may your classroom be a safe place where everyone thrives.
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