Brokering Better Partnerships: A Tool I Wish I’d Had When I Was a Young Facilitator

3 days ago

4 min read

A few years ago, I entered into a professional partnership that raised a few internal red flags right from the jump. And I ignored them, because that partnership positioned me to do the sort of legacy work that I’m most interested in doing in service to kids before I leave this world. So, I told myself that I’d be able to establish clear agreements, maintain tight boundaries, and pilot that very heavy plane through incredibly turbulent weather.

This wasn’t my first flight after all, I reminded myself.

It was maybe…my few hundredth. :)

The fact is that I’ve circled some real hurricanes over the years and survived inside the eye of several others.

I’m pretty confident in my ability to work ethically and responsibly with people who think differently than I do. But this particular partnership? There was simply no surviving it. And so ultimately, I declined the opportunity to continue.

And I know that this is a privilege, because as a young professional learning facilitator, I wasn’t able to say no when I needed to. During that time, I was expected to behave less like a skilled pilot and more like a flight attendant. I never wore that particular uniform very well, and every time I was inclined to roll up my sleeves or negotiate the length of my hem, I ended up spilling a drink or two on people who had already had their fill.

I’ve written about this before: Professional learning facilitators are copilots inside of the systems they serve until the plane is in the air. Then, they’re flying that machine, and the leaders who originally hired them have to be willing and able to show up as their very skilled copilots.

It rarely works this way, and that’s because we’re uncomfortable having the conversation that would establish shared vision and real clarity from the start. That lack compromises so much.

So today, I want to offer something to those of you who do what I do for a living—something that might help you broker and manage better partnerships by sharpening vision and clarity right out of the gate and establishing better alignment.

An Ethical Framework for Facilitators

Most of us hold some version of an ethical framework that guides the work we do once a partnership has been made. I call mine the ASPIRE framework, and it has six pillars: accountability, sustainability, purpose, integrity, reciprocity, and equity. This framework guides the way I design theories of change, proposals, and programs. It informs the way I gather and interpret data. It helps me find the right words to offer when things aren’t going as well as they need to. It reminds me of who I am, what I value, and what I just can’t compromise, even when I adore the people I’m working with. Maybe especially then.

What I’ve come to understand is that those same commitments must underpin the way I broker and sustain my partnerships with people and systems right from the start. The fact is that a professional learning experience designed with integrity but held inside of a partnership that simply cannot maintain it still implodes.

My partnership assessment is also built around those six pillars. It’s the tool that I use in early conversations, before proposals are shared and especially before contracts are extended. What makes the tool useful is that every question hangs from one of the six pillars and suggests what to listen for. Each pillar assessment closes with a single alignment check that clearly defines where shared vision and values exist, what needs to be negotiated, and where we are completely out of sync. The assessment turns a vague feeling about a prospective client into something clearly defined, something I can see and act on. When I have five or six pillars in alignment, I can move forward with confidence. When there are three or four, I can name the specific conditions that would have to change before I sign. If there is misalignment around purpose, equity, or integrity, I decline, regardless of how generous the rest of the opportunity appears to be. I consider the questions each pillar presents as well. This is often uncomfortable. It also keeps me honest.

Clear is Kind

It’s been some time since I declined the opportunity to continue working out of alignment with the partner I described above. When I think about how that relationship began, hindsight is twenty-twenty. I’m certain that these past partners of mine masked who they truly were, what they truly valued, and what they truly needed in order to please others—and maybe even me—so that I would partner with them. All of that masking was likely driven by very good intentions, but it also depended on quite a bit of dishonesty.

We can’t pretend to be who we aren’t, and we can’t pretend to value what we don’t. This is as true in professional learning as it is inside of our most intimate personal relationships.

This entire experience reminded me all over again that clear is kind, and no amount of masking or wishing things into existence makes them true.

I hope the partnership assessment tool serves you well as you build and maintain healthy partnerships and collaborations. We all deserve the kind that are honest and true. We’re all responsible for building them, too.

And if you’re eager to begin rethinking the way you design and facilitate the professional learning experiences you’re responsible for, registration for the Intentional Facilitator is closing soon. This fall cohort is the last of four in this first year of my launch. Everyone who helped me get this thing off the ground is considered a founding member and will have a seat in every future cohort at no additional cost. Pricing remains tiered for now as well, and low and no-cost options exist. These benefits end once this cohort has completed their learning, so be sure to join us this time around if they matter to you.

See you soon!

Angela Stockman Angela Stockman is a literacy-minded educator and professional learning facilitator who helps educators solve high-stakes problems in their unique contexts., working at the intersection of purposeful play, collaborative inquiry, multimodal expression, and culturally sustaining practice. This piece was originally published on September 2, 2026 and is reposted here with her permission. You can learn more about Angela and her work here.