What Are You Waiting For Permission to Say? A Story + A Challenge

Apr 18
4 min read

We await permission to say what needs to be said as though it comes from an outside force. But how many opportunities do we miss to question assumptions, challenge the status quo, and lean into our integrity? And what’s at stake when we keep waiting on someone to give us permission when the permission we’re seeking is actually our own courage to speak?

A few years ago I was hired to train a group of about 100 instructional coaches. We would be meeting for 4 one-day training sessions across the school year. I knew going into this training that it would be a unique situation. I had been informed that the instructional coaching program would be eliminated and restructured at the end of the school year, resulting in these 100 coaches shifting to different positions or leaving the district altogether.

I wasn’t worried, though. After all, my training was focused on becoming a reflective coaching leader, and we would anchor to the idea that everyone leads someone. No instructional coaching position? No problem! I have something that will be helpful no matter what position you hold! Looking back, I think, “Aw, Casey… that’s cute that you think they’d be fired up to learn about leadership while they’re in the midst of an unknown, scary situation.”

In our first three sessions, I made sure to communicate how the training content applied to work and life. And these sessions weren’t awful. In fact, they went fairly well (even considering the outliers who made sure to sit as far to the outside edges of the room as possible).

But then the last day of our training arrived…

I bet you can imagine it. Spring time. June is coming. Applications to other positions have been submitted. Everything is unknown except the fact that they will no longer hold instructional coaching positions.

Slowly… oh so slowly… people trickled into our large training room. With no amount of interest or eagerness, they plopped coffee mugs and laptops on the tables where they sat.

Hesitantly, but with as much positive energy and excitement as I could muster, I took to the stage and began. Not even 10 minutes into our training session, I found myself experiencing defeat.

I was quick to start spinning a narrative that I was the problem, that it was because of me that they were disinterested. And in that moment, as soon as I recognized my assumption, I knew I had to make a decision: keep waiting for some outside force — some shift in the room, some sign that it was okay — to give me permission to address it. Or give myself permission, right then, to say what needed to be said.

I paused. I surveyed the room of side conversations and discontent (or downright angry) body language. And then I made the bold move to address it.

Was I nervous? Yes. Did I know how it would land? Nope! But the risks of NOT having the uncomfortable conversation far outweighed actually shedding light on the very obvious issues. Their valuable time was at stake. My integrity and core values were at stake. NOT TODAY!

“I want to pause us real quick if I could have your undivided attention for a moment.” (pause… breathe…) “Could I check my perception with you?” (pause… breathe…) “The narrative I’m spinning in my head is that you are not interested in the content I have prepared and you don’t want to be here. It’s causing me to feel somewhat defeated and that what I’m sharing isn’t valuable. Is there any accuracy to that or am I way off base?” (anticipate dagger-like glares...)

There was no guarantee that the impact of my words would align with my intent. But here I am, years later, eager to tell you that the single decision to stop waiting and give myself permission to be courageous had a significant impact on these instructional coaches and on me.

Because I didn’t wait on permission from someone or something, my last training session with these instructional coaches was the best of all sessions! We felt more connected and comfortable with one another. They felt as though they had been given the freedom to be more vulnerable — to say what THEY needed to say. We broke down barriers that would have kept us from growing and learning from the content I had prepared. I was able to shift and adjust to better meet their needs.

And this moment, while scary at first, increased my confidence tenfold — not because the training went well, but because I maintained my own integrity.

So here’s what I want to leave you with: The outside force you’ve been waiting on most likely isn’t coming.

The permission you need is yours to give. What are you waiting to say or do? What do you stand to risk in NOT giving yourself permission? And what do you stand to gain if you do?

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