Dear Stressed Me

Walter McKenzie
Aug 19
4 min read

Amy Mathews-Perez is a Texas-born & raised educator, now in her thirtieth year in public education, serving as a classroom teacher, diagnostician, special education supervisor, assistant principal, principal and director of special programs. As a learner, she considers herself an “Experience Expert” connecting, sharing, and highlighting the best in others, dedicated to empowering people and promoting collaboration. You can reach out to Amy here.

How did you read the title of this article? Did you read it as Dear, Stressed Me (self pity-ish) or as the beginning of a letter? Either way works (and both apply at some point or another for all of us, right?) The intention is that the title is a letter to yourself.

Stress is not a selective force, it is not discriminatory or biased; it is inclusive. It impacts each one of us in different ways, contexts and for different reasons. There is a popular quote by Zig Ziglar: “The most influential person you will talk to all day is you.” There are multiple variations of this quote, but the point is the same: Self-talk is powerful.

The hard part about self-talk is judgment. We second-guess ourselves, feel silly and we want to do it “right.” However, there are two important things related to self-talk:

(1) You already talk to yourself, whether out loud or just in your head (or both for some of us and that’s ok.) When it is instinctive, we don’t pause to evaluate it, we just do it. Whether we are pumping ourselves up for a challenge (EX: A job interview), calming down to get through something difficult (EX: Getting pulled over for speeding) or even celebrating success (EX: You got the job? You got out of the ticket?)

(2) There is no “right” way to do self-talk. In response to stress, we instinctively use an inner-voice of rant, rage, encouragement, cheer (or all of these as a part of a cycle.) Some of us need a pep-talk, some need to be reminded to live up to our potential, some need to be remotivated with progress reminders, some need a “no-excuses” approach and some of us need empathy.

We live, we learn; we stress, we recover; we breathe and continue learning.

Understanding the value of positive talk, encouragement and kindness, imagine the ripple effect of facilitating a positive outcome for someone else that is going through a stressful time. This article provides a method for you to do that for others.

I’m going to assume that you do your best to meet the needs of others and to help others be their best. There will be times when your support of someone else will be effective & that is awesome. There will be other times when a person’s “self-talk” is more helpful than any external support we provide. We all get so busy we don’t take the time to think about motivating ourselves, much less write it down. So, here is an activity that creates an opportunity for you to support each person during stressful times. I did this activity with my staff for three years in a row and had positive outcomes every time. We did it at the beginning of the school year, during the “back-to-school” fun, high energy and team building excitement.

You’ll pick the “Who & When.” Here is the “How” (then the benefits)

Give each person a blank note card & envelope. (have each person seated a good distance away from each other so they can write a private note):

Have each person write their name on the envelope.

Ask each person to write themselves a “Dear Stressed Me” note. Assure them that this is 100% confidential; no one will read their note.

Once they each complete the note, have them put it in the envelope with their name on - and then they seal their envelope.

Collect the envelopes and put them in a private place you’ll remember. (This is key because you’ll be accessing them at different times.)

During the school year, when you notice a teammate is stressed out, hand-deliver their note to them.

Tell them that they don’t have to read it now, but you want to be sure they got the note.

When they say, “Thank you” (typically done after they read it) you can respond with something like: “Don’t thank me, thank yourself.” What they are really thanking you for is “seeing” them; knowing them well enough to realize they are stressed, acknowledging them and showing care. Done with authenticity, this can build relationships, ease stress and create a moment (for both of you) to take a breath.

Notice a need, share your care and build resiliency.

I’m passionate about empowering and encouraging others. I hope this strategy provides you with a way you can show care. If you have questions about this activity or would like to chat about it, let’s connect. You can find me at dramymp@gmail.com, at my website dramyperez.com or on X @drgrowtoknow.

Happy Caring!