Mary & Denise: Best Friends Forever!

February is Heart Month at The Worthy Educator, honoring those special colleagues who make a difference in our lives and careers, celebrating how longterm, loyal, caring, nurturing, professional friendships enhance our experience as professionals!

Mary Reece pays tribute to Denise Hecht-Berger:

At 76, I am no longer surrounded by the amazing mentors who lifted me up throughout my professional life. Sadly, they have all passed. From graduate professors to professional association colleagues to fellow school administrators, they supported me, advised me, and celebrated with me. For the past twenty-one years, I have been employed by the NJ Principals & Supervisors Association and its professional learning non-profit, the Foundation for Educational Administration.

Prior to joining NJPSA/FEA as an employee, I was one of the first members of the newly created NJPSA in 1981. I recall first meeting Denise Hecht-Berger around the late-1990’s when she presented at our annual Principals’ Center for Educational Leadership which I attended as a principal. I was impressed by her passion, her knowledge, and her insights.

Several years later, she joined the staff of NJPSA/FEA as an NJPSA Assistant Executive Director and as the CFO of FEA. As a long-time NJPSA Board member, I had the opportunity to engage with Denise on a variety of initiatives. In 2004, I, too, joined the organization as an employee. Although I have had several titles at NJPSA/FEA, I have always been peripherally or directly involved with obtaining and directing grant-funded leadership projects.

Denise has become my partner on all these ventures. She is my sounding board, my creative influence, and my budget guru. Her perspective as a business woman and as a grandmother of ten adds a different voice to my musings. Together, we create magic (and successful applications and proposals)!

On a personal level, we elevate each other - despite the circumstances! Attending periodic dinners and Broadway shows along with indulging in spa dates has cemented our friendship. We have stood beside one another through life’s sorrows—the deaths of our parents, her divorce, the sudden loss of my best friend, the pandemic, and the current abominable state of our country.

We have also celebrated life’s joys: our children’s graduations and weddings, the births of her grandchildren, bar and bat mitzvahs, and her remarriage. We share reflective dinners with close friends and attend Broadway shows whenever possible (Denise is an honorary member of my group, the Broadway Broads).

After being single for several years, Denise ventured into online dating, only to experience one disappointment after another. By December 2015, she declared herself finished with dating altogether. We celebrated her decision to embrace single life in her newly purchased home in a 55+ community. Denise decorated the house with her signature eye for color and style, creating a warm, inviting space for friends and family. She also formed new friendships, especially during summer afternoons spent at the complex’s pool.

Then, in February 2016, Denise traveled to Florida to visit a close cousin. Upon her return, she surprised us all by announcing she had scheduled dates with two men she had met online. So much for sworn-off dating!

One date ended quickly. The man did not appreciate the time Denise devoted to her ten grandchildren—a dealbreaker. Denise is deeply committed to her growing brood, making regular visits to each family, her car trunk filled with games, crafts, and activities. As some of the grandchildren have grown older, those visits now include marathon shopping excursions.

The second man, Mel, was different. He embraced Denise’s devotion to her grandchildren and marveled at their number (he had only two). A few months later, Mel proposed. Denise accepted, asking only that they wait a year to deepen their relationship and plan their wedding. They married in June 2017, and we were thrilled Denise had found a kind, loving partner with whom to build a future. Their journey, however, has not been easy. Shortly after the wedding, Mel was diagnosed with stomach cancer and required immediate surgery. Thankfully, the surgery was successful, and he has had no recurrence.

During the pandemic, we worried about the toll of isolation on the newly married couple, but it only strengthened their bond. More than two years ago, Mel began exhibiting troubling and inconsistent symptoms: memory loss, difficulty concentrating, social withdrawal, extreme fatigue, and a shuffling gait. True to her nature, Denise became a relentless advocate, accompanying Mel to appointment after appointment. A neurologist conducted a thorough exam and firmly dismissed Denise’s suggestion of Parkinson’s disease, insisting Mel lacked the classic indicators. Visits followed with Mel’s oncologist, a geriatrician, a nutritionist, a cardiologist, and eight other specialists. Despite exhaustive efforts, no one could provide a diagnosis.

Years earlier, I had been treated by a neurologist specializing in post-polio syndrome (I had polio at age six). He later correctly identified statins as the cause of severe arm pain I was experiencing and advised me to stop them—relief followed quickly.

Knowing he also specialized in geriatric neurology, I urged Denise to bring Mel to see him. At their first visit, he strongly suspected Parkinson’s disease and ordered a DaTscan to confirm it. Last week, after more than two years of uncertainty and agita, Denise and Mel finally received a diagnosis: Parkinson’s. While devastating, the news brought relief. They now had an answer—and a condition that could be managed with medication and exercise.

Denise expressed deep gratitude for my intervention, and I am grateful that my dear friend can now focus her energy on helping Mel adapt and thrive.

For more than two decades, Denise and I have sustained a productive professional partnership that has yielded many successful ventures for our organizations. Equally important, our friendship continues to be one defined by trust, honesty, resilience, and shared joy—one that allows us to commiserate, confide, and celebrate, through all of life’s chapters. Our personalities and skill sets complement each other beautifully. I am so happy to have a forum to honor my valued and trusted “office sister,” Denise Hecht-Berger.

Mary Reece

A Worthy Educator

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See our entire celebration of #edufriends and share your tribute to a special colleague or group of peers here so that we can honor you and them!