How to Lead - without becoming the System

24 hours ago
3 min read

There was a moment, several years into my career as an Emergency Medicine physician, when I realized I had become a part of the infrastructure.

I was more than a leader within the system; I had become the system itself.

If a shift went understaffed, I covered.

If a conflict needed smoothing, I stepped in.

If the emotional weight of a difficult decision needed somewhere to land, it landed on me.

I excelled at this kind of work, and this meant more of it kept coming. I told myself this was what commitment looked like.

I was convinced this was what women had to do to prove they could handle it.

The Capability Trap

High-performing female leaders often say “yes” because saying “no” feels risky.

You cover what others won't. You manage the tension in the room before it surfaces because you know how it can end up if you don't.

The system learns to depend on you. This is what I call the capability trap.

It’s when responsibility becomes chronic overextension for the leader. If this becomes normal, it is gradually considered the baseline. The cycle continues until one day you realize that your capacity is the only strategy keeping everything going.

The system optimized itself around what you were willing to give.

Boundaries are Decisions

We tend to talk about boundaries as if they're something you work on in a journal or develop through therapy.

Personal reflection is part of it, but the most important thing to understand is that boundaries determine how a system functions when you're not there to hold it together.

When boundaries are unclear, everything escalates to you. Every decision and conflict finds its way to the one person everyone knows will absorb it. When boundaries are clear, judgment and capacity spread outward.

Your team makes decisions because they know they should, not because they're waiting for your direction.

There are two types of boundaries:

→ Internal boundaries shape how you manage yourself under pressure, what you take on, what you let go of, and how you protect the space you need to think clearly.

→ External boundaries determine whether your system depends on you personally or functions without you.

The questions to ask yourself before you say yes to anything are:

"Is this genuinely mine to carry?," and,

"What am I displacing to take it on?"

Sustainable leadership

Leaders who make this change become more deliberate.

They respond clearly, and start designing systems that don't require one person to be indestructible.

The goal is to build something that works when you're not personally holding it up. This is the only version of leadership that lasts. Strong boundaries give those teams room to grow into their own capacity.

When you hold a boundary with warmth and consistency, people find a trust in you that wasn’t there previously.

3 questions about boundaries to take into your week:

3 questions about boundaries to take into your week:

"Where are you absorbing something that the system, or someone else on your team, should be carrying?",

"Is there a decision you're currently making that could be made once and built into the way things run?", and

"What would it look like to build your leadership in a way that doesn't require you to be the proverbial superhero?"

I'd love to hear what comes up for you.

Erica

Executive Coach

Dr Erica Kreismann believes that supporting and developing people and teams is at the heart of true leadership. As the Executive Medical Director of Ambulance Tasmania and the founder of OneWild Coaching, she believes that leading with courage and kindness is vital to our progress, and that we all must be a part of the solutions we seek. This piece was originally published July 1, 2026 and is cross-posted here with permission. Learn more here and email Erica here.