Turns Out, the "Hack" Is Real Connection

Walter McKenzie
Aug 21
4 min read

Amanda Crowell is the author of Great Work: Do What Matters Most Without Sacrificing Everything Else (now in its second edition), with accompanying classes, podcasts and journal & a Doctoral Lecturer at Hunter College in New York. She originally published this piece on August 6 and we cross-post it here with her permission. Thank you, Amanda! Reach her via email here.

There was a time when I was a professor teaching four classes while building a business, while still doing consulting. It was CHAOS (you can read all about it in the first chapter of Great Work).

At that time, I was desperate for something that would help me scale or streamline, or grow enough to let go of some of this work. Around that time, someone handed me a book about social network theory and said, “This is the key to growth. The hack is your network.”

I opened it with skepticism. I had no desire to game my relationships or treat people like stepping stones on the way to my own success. We’ve all felt it: the moment someone shifts from genuine connection to sales mode. Like leading with an elevator pitch at a dinner party, or trying to sell coaching packages at someone's retirement party, or... oh! or handing out business cards at a yoga retreat. All three of these things have happened to me... no one wants to be that guy.

I Needn’t Have Worried

What I found in social network theory wasn’t a cheat code or a shortcut. It was a framework for understanding how relationships grow, shift, and sustain us over time. Instead of teaching me how to EXTRACT MAXIMUM VALUE from my network, it helped me see how to nurture it. It gave me language for different kinds of closeness, and insight into how opportunity often comes from the edges.

And most surprisingly, it made reaching out to people I've lost contact with or don't know but admire and respect feel less awkward. That's a win.

The Three Ties That Shape Your Life

Social network theory breaks your relationships into three simple categories: Strong ties, medium ties, and weak ties.

Strong ties are your people. You talk to them often. They show up when you’re sick, celebrate when you win, and know your patterns and blind spots. You could send these people a cat meme, and they would respond with the appropriate emoji.
Weak ties are on the other end of the spectrum. These are people you barely know or haven’t spoken to in years. They would probably recognize your name, but might not be able to say exactly what you do. You might follow them online or run into them once a year at an event. If you texted these people a cat meme, they'd likely respond: "Who is this?"
Medium ties fall in the middle. These are the people you like and respect, but don’t talk to regularly. It's possible you used to be close, like coworkers at a former job, friends from grad school, someone you met at a retreat who really got you for those three magical days, but you would feel weird texting them a cat meme.

Here’s where it gets interesting.

When researchers studied how people discovered new opportunities like jobs, gigs, collaborators, and big, fresh ideas, they found something surprising: Most of those breakthroughs didn’t come from close friends. They came largely from medium ties.

It makes sense, once you think about it. Your strong ties tend to know the same people, follow the same routines, and offer the same opportunities you're already familiar with. Medium ties open new doors. They sit at the edge of your network, where different perspectives, industries, and communities live.

"Leveraging" Medium Ties Feels Tricky

This is where a lot of people start to feel icky.

Reaching out to someone you haven’t spoken to in three years feels opportunistic or like you’re using them. Even though your intentions are good, it’s easy to worry that you’ll come across as transactional or fake.

That’s what kept me from connecting for a long time. I didn’t want to be “that person.”

But here's a reframe that helps: Reaching out to medium ties is not a shortcut... It's an invitation.

These are opportunities to reconnect, to check in, to build something new on top of something real. They hold the potential to become strong ties, or just more fondly held medium ties.

This is about approaching with care and curiosity. Seeing the person first, not the opportunity. When we do it like this, it doesn’t feel manipulative. It feels meaningful.

Why This Matters Right Now

If you’re navigating a career change, launching a project, looking for clients, or simply feeling disconnected, now is the perfect time to rethink how you connect.

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